Sunday, April 22, 2007

KIDNAPPED! a true story.

As some of you may have noticed I am prone to reminiscing about my past when real time events don’t provide sufficient stimulation. It is for precisely that reason that I have chosen to share with you the true story of my kidnapping. Many moons ago when I was working on a Chandris ship called The Horizon and nick- named the horizontal. I was unfortunate enough, a few days prior to the incident in question to break two bones in my foot.

Officially I slipped in the shower but there were persistent rumors at the time that I had actually slipped in a puddle of beer during a particularly energetic Irish jig. This can’t be true as I didn’t even know anything about an illegal party in the pump room that evening.

As a result of my untimely accident I was unable to join my friends on their weekly boogie night in Puerto Rico and had resigned myself to a lonely night reading in my cabin. Little did I realize that a cunning and dastardly plan was afoot or indeed that I was to play a central role in the drama waiting to unfold.

Shortly after 10pm the security guard was called away from the gangway near my cabin to help deal with an affray in another part of the ship. Several assailants then rushed into the room where I was resting on the bed in my pyjamas. I was seized and roughly bundled out through the door by 2 or 3 of these never do wells whilst another one grabbed my crutches, apparently to make it appear that I had left under my own steam.

They hurtled along the corridor, I felt like a human torpedo, and then they clattered and clanged down the metal gangplank carrying me like a ladder in a Laurel and Hardy show. I was completely disorientated by our subsequent rush through darkened alleys dimly illuminated by the glow of ancient street lamps. I would later be unable to aid the authorities in capturing my assailants as the only thing I could see was a banana yellow sheen reflecting off one of the men’s gaudy shirts.

Eventually they slowed and I was carried through a dread portal into a dark, misty, cavernous room. Colored lights flashed psychotically in the gloom and the white mist swirled everywhere, twisting sinuously around the legs of strangers glimpsed in the sinister shadows of the interior.

My captors were on the verge of revealing the purpose of their daring escapade. I was carried to the centre of the room and dumped unceremoniously on a chair fetched for that very purpose by one of the crutch carriers. Realization dawned on me and a cold chill gripped my heart at the thought of the indignity of the ordeal that I was about to endure. Yes, they were planning to handbag me!

The other crutch carrier approached taking care not to spill any of the precious liquid contained in the glass vessel which he was carrying. “Yours is a large G n’ T, isn’t it Cathy? He asked. Without further ado the drink was placed in my unresisting hand and my co-workers proceeded to dance around me in Laser’s Disco. Just as if I was some bimbo’s bloody handbag!

33 comments:

Hammer said...

You had me scared there for a minute!

I'm safe because fat people are hard to kidnap ;)

Travis said...

Funny story! Sounds like you had some good friends who didn't want you to miss out on any of the fun.

Tina said...

another funny "Cathy story" lol... I have finally posted something of my own...let me know what you think!

Dan said...

I thought you were going to tell that story about how those guys kidnapped you and made you their sexual slave over the course of several days before they finally ... oops ... I promised I wasn't going to mention that story ever, didn't I?

My bad. :(

Michael said...

Good story! I know better stories about Cathy but can't tell...because she knows a few doozies about me.

:)

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

An excellent story, Cathy! Well told! Someday I may share the story of my being kidnapped by a fraternity pledge class who I idiotically told couldn't kidnap me.

Miss Understood said...

Awww. What great friends you have!

EBEZP said...

I love that cathy, I was way ahead and wrong! Incidentally I commented at mine on your pic but have to here as well!
I'm lovin' it!

bsoholic said...

Great story! Scary at first, but then turns around and shows you have some great friends. :)

MONA said...

why do we call the elders also as 'kidnapped'. Why not mannapped or ladynapped?..To be precise...

Top cat said...

I really enjoy reading these adventures of yours.
I figured out who the kidnappers were towards the end of the story when they said your name "Cathy."
This could only mean one thing..the captors knew you.
Move over Inspector Clouseu, Inspector Tc is on the case.

val said...

you've had a fun life
sorry no capitals as i have a small parrot perched on my right hand

Serena Joy said...

You have THE most interesting experiences.:)

puerileuwaite said...

It was Jonbenet's family, wasn't it?

G-Man said...

Getting "handbagged" is way better than getting "Teabagged"...

Please remember that!

cathy said...

hammer, I'm no twiggy myself.

travis,They were a blast!

tina, Great I was starting to turn blue from holding my breathe.

dan, What is your wife putting in your food? You must be getting too many flavinoids:)

michael, shhhh!

ss nick, looking forward to reading that story.

miss understood, I've always been lucky like that.

ebezr, Don't be fooled I was wearing almost as much makeup as you.

Groovy Lady said...

Crap you had me sitting on the edge of my seat for a while there! LOL

Really good post Cathy and great friends you have!

Sugar Smacks said...

You used "ne'er do wells" in your story.

You're all good by me!

Nice story.

SS

cathy said...

bsoholic, thanks for the review:)

mona, maybe I should have said abducted but I was fairly young at the time.LOL

TC, well spotted sherlock.

Val,I've not finished having it yet!
love the parrot comment, that's one for the archives!

Top cat said...

that's chubby cheeked Sherlock.lol

Gardener Greg said...

What a funny story, I also like the 10 things you never did before, I sounds like it may have been a beer slip.

cathy said...

serena, Watch this blog. You ain't heard the half of it!

puerileuwaite, Who?

g-man, Teabagged?


groovy lady,must tell you the hell's angels story sometime.

sugar smacks, you should see some of the other language I use. LOL

TC, alias CCS, who's a liddle putty tat?

gardener greg, you are too perceptive, I can't fool you!

G-Man said...

Yes Cathy..
Google it.

MONA said...

Helloo Cathy!...still kidnapped?

Hey I was able to fix my blog finally, but have to still to write a post!

& didnt you sleep? How is your Ma in Law?

Blancodeviosa said...

ok so your a better story teller than i.. ahahah ;)

Malnurtured Snay said...

Kidnapped? Beernapped! How excellent your friends are!

Logophile said...

Wow, an Irish jig injury sounds painful, I mean, uh, a shower slip.
Sounds like fun times.

dana barnett said...

Hey Cathy,I'm back...You have some awsome,crazy passed storys!!!!I am much better now,I'M doing the match thing on the computer!!!wish me luck,...I will need it...I've missed you and all of blogland.Take care and drop me an email when you have time...




Truly,Dana...

Jocelyn said...

Man, you gotta know I love a good storyteller, and you officially qualify. I love the term "to handbag" someone.

What fun to have found you!

cathy said...

g-man, google this .l.. :)

mona, I'm not big on sleep at the moment. I mailed you about my mum in law, not good.

blancodeviosa, well you're a better photographer than me for sure.

snay,You don't know what I did for them:)

logophile, A girl can have lots of fun slipping in the shower!

Dana, glad to hear from you Tina and I were worried about you.

cathy said...

jocelyn, sorry missed you out. You'll be seeing more of me at your place:)

Queenie said...

Hee hee, you got me going there.

ann said...

Hilarious... you sure know how to spin yarn