Tuesday, June 19, 2007
NEW ADDITIONS, SONGS & BLOGGER CONTRIBUTIONS.
Attributing quotes is hardly an original theme for a post but I was hoping to be able to inject a little extra something to boost your interest, so here it is. I am going to list various categories of quotes and challenge you to find the sources. However in an attempt to befuddle your brains I will try to ensure that some of them are not googlable (I may have invented a new word there) and just to make it even more fun some will be complete fabrications.
One category “post comments” will be comments taken either from any of my posts or from the posts of any of the people I link to or who leave comments on my blog. This is going to be a monster undertaking and will remain ‘active” even if I post again before all the quotes are attributed. So with no further ado let’s get the ball rolling….
MUSIC, HUMOUR, BOOKS, FILMS, PHILOSOPHY, BLOG COMMENTS, SPORTS, QUASI QUOTES
1 “Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.”
2 My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate -- that's my philosophy.
3 I couldn't find my socks this morning so I called information, the girl said 'they're behind the sofa'...and they were.”
4 "Ah! Isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." 5 “Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. “
6 Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing
7 “Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.”
8 "If it moves, fuck it!. If it doesn't move fuck it til it does!”
9 "The Port Elizabeth ground is more of a circle than an oval. It's long and square."
10 “There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
11 “Science is what you know. Philosophy is what you don't know.”
12 There is no statement so absurd that no philosopher will make it.
13 "Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."
14 For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.
15 “For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward. “
16 “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. “
17 "And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all Escort race."
18 "The beak of Ayrton Senna's chicken is pulling ahead."
19 “Men get laid, but women get screwed.”
20 “Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. “
21 “To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. “
22 My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live
23 There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats
24 A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times
25 The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it
26 Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
27 Sex is emotion in motion.
28 Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't 29 We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
30 On the other hand... You have different fingers.
31 "Watch the time - it gives you an indication of how fast they are running."
32 I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
33 I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
34 Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles
35 Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
36 "As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other."
37 Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
38 Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke
39 Isn't it interesting how the sounds are the same for an awful nightmare and great sex?
40 To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
41 Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.
42 I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave?
43 "Martin Brundle's got a bald spot - he won't be pleased about that..."
BLOGGERS COMMENTS / POST QUOTES
ON THIS BLOG
1.Be good when you finish it!
2. backside outside in the outback. ...LMAO :)
3. That's cool. And very, very purple. LOL! Seriously though, I have dipped in there a bit and it all blows my mind.
4. Mike .Don’t get me started on incongruent concepts and existentialism one blog just wouldn’t contain my ramblings
5. Sorry, ignore my last comment. I didn't realize it was a bloggers' love-in.
6. I'm kind of old fashioned but seeing one's sister using terms like "breaking the seal" is kind of disturbing to one.
7. That's it. I'm changing my panhandling sign to: "Will CRITICIZE for food".
8. The only thing you should be sticking in that man is sharp and made of metal.
9. Dan – glad you found the time to drop by. I saw your response which said you would visit, it’s been like waiting for the gas man.
ON OTHER BLOGS
1. “Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry...”
2. Meme this you bastard!
3. I’m a sick, twisted woman who for some perverse reason gets pleasure out of embarrassing my kids for no reason at all other than I think it’s funny.
4. I'm not sure if that's a look of disgust or gratitude on his face.
5. The complexity of the books ranges from "very difficult" to "I've just had two six-packs and a bottle of red wine and it's just now beginning to make sense to me".
WHICH FILM ?
1. Salesman:” Put a pretty girl inside those and she needn't be ashamed of herself anywhere”. Traveller: “All right. Bring it back to me when it's filled."
WHICH SONG ?
1. Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
2. I don't need no money, fortune, or fame. I got all the riches baby, one man can claim.
3. I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.
4. I'd rather be a hammer than a nail.
5. It seems to me, sorry seems to be the hardest word.
6. Await your arrival with simple survival, and one day we'll all understand.
7. My uniform is leather and my power is my age.
8. Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart.
9. Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea. All we do, crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see...
10. Some people never come clean, I think you know what I mean. You're walking a wire between pain and desire, and looking for love in-between.
11. The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls.
12. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year.
13. With my New York brim and my gold tooth displayed, nobody give me trouble cause they know I've got it made.
14. You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
15. Free your mind and your ass will follow.
16. You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain, too much love drives a man insane.
17. You would think with all the genius and the brilliance of these times, we might find a higher purpose and a better use of mind.
18. Complain about the future and blame it on the past, I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass
19. Hit me with a shovel, because I can't believe I dug you.
20. I wish you luck with a capital F.
21, Kiss me where the sun don't shine, the past was yours, the future's mine.
22. Ram it up your poop chute.
23. Sit and spin 'til you rot on the cosmic utensil.
24. They asked me for some collateral and I pulled down my pants.
25. You can speak your mind, but not on my time.
26. As the people grow colder, I turn to my computer and spend my evenings with it like a friend.
27. Everyone of them words rang true and glowed like burning coal, pouring off every page like it was written in my soul from me to you.
28.I bathe in the sun in the morning, lemon circles swim in the tea. Fishing for time with a wishing line, and throwing it back in the sea.
29. Picture yourself on a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
30. Shadows on the hills, sketch the trees and daffodils, catch the breeze and the winter chills, in the colors on the snow linen land.
31. Through the window in the wall, come streaming in on sunlight wings, a million bright ambassadors of morning.
32. Your fingers weave quick minarets, speak in secret alphabets.
1. "Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them."
( from ebezp)
2. "Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex."
( from ebezp)
PS. If you hate this kind of post you could always read something from the archives I will still get your comments via email.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Who is he?
This tall interloper,
This lanky streak of piss,
Who does he think we are?
Does he think we’re his?
He really ought to leave now.
I’m sure father’s coming back.
There isn’t room for all of us.
Surely he can see that.
What is mother doing?
With flowers in her hair.
Greeting wedding guests,
Like she doesn’t have a care.
Can’t she see it’s wrong
To bring this stranger here.
This taker of lost families,
Who keeps calling her his dear….
”If anyone here present knows of just cause
why these two may not be joined in holy matrimony,
speak now or forever hold thy peace”
Friday, June 15, 2007
The pic is just so I can look at lime over my glasses.
Monday, June 11, 2007
She was hiding a dirty secret and I was going to get it out of her. Susan would have to come clean, or else! I dragged her up the stairs, she was unable to resist or defend herself against my manic determination. .Pushing open the door to the utilities room I bundled her inside, I didn’t want the rest of the family to know what I was doing. I was sure they would try to stop me. Susan slumped dejectedly in the corner staring up at me. There was no fear in her unblinking gaze, she was oblivious to the danger.
I got to work, I soon realized that using my hands was not going to be sufficient, I would have to take drastic steps to accomplish my task. I didn’t hang around to witness the effect of my actions, there would be plenty of time later to observe the results.
Time to pick the children up from school. The important thing was to act normally, they must suspect nothing, of course they noticed her absence but I kept my cool, feigning ignorance of her whereabouts. The rest of the day passed with agonizing slowness, every minute felt like an hour. Eventually the girls’ bedtime arrived. Once I was sure that they were settled in for the night and there was no danger of being followed I climbed the stairs once again to finish off my business.
Gazing down at her wretched form I was shocked by the extent of damage that my ministrations had caused, the mess was unbelievable. There was a terrible gash across her belly and her insides spilled out in an untidy heap across the floor. A similar wound across her neck had left her head hanging limply to one side as if she were asking a silent question.
Overwhelmed with remorse I sank into a nearby chair wondering how I could explain it to the children. They had been so fond of this creature, lavishing affection on her. She had never criticized for her shortcomings as I so often was, despite this I was filled with sadness by her demise.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
My heart is heavy in my breast.
I toss and turn, I cannot rest.
What I have I would reject.
What I want I can’t expect.
I’d gladly take you in my arms,
Though all your words are practiced charms.
You’ve travelled on this road before,
I’m nothing special, just one more.
Yet I would gladly leave my own,
To spend one night with you alone.
This for you a moment’s pleasure,
But for me a priceless treasure.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Monday, June 4, 2007
Some people might say it was “The Story of My Life”, I wouldn’t go that far but just lately it does seem to me that they are occurring on a monotonously regular basis.
Therefore I was less than astounded at my own absentmindedness when I recently applied a liberal amount of toothpaste onto a handy Bic razor which had somehow found its way into my grasp instead of the toothbrush which I had intended to pick up. Not to worry, my lacerated gums will soon heal and in the meantime not being able to put anything in my mouth will have a sterling effect on my diet, if not my love life. I cannot deny that these little happenstances don’t, as often as not, lead to positive outcomes. I’ve always been lucky like that.
Which leads us right into the next event in this comedy of errors, you really do need to keep your wits about you when attending to early morning ablutions unfortunately mine tend to be still asleep under the pillow and offer me no assistance whatsoever, so when I applied a handful of extra strong hold hair mousse to my face and rubbed it in before realizing that it was not moisturizing cream it was something of a bonus to realize that the almost instantaneous lifting and firming effect was much more pronounced than that promised by the manufacturers of the more expensive face product. I immediately made a mental note to buy a bigger bottle of the stuff to see if something can’t be done about my saggy buns.
I could continue but the tears in my eyes are making it difficult to see so I will end by asking if any of you have an anecdote of your own to add…..
Friday, June 1, 2007
surely HE can’t have eaten it!
I’ll put some carrots on his plate at teatime.
……Carrots all gone, he’s eaten them!
His voice floats up the stairwell,
“put some tomato on my sandwich, will you?”
What’s going on here?
I think he’s been reading my blog!!!
If you didn't read last week's 55 you may not understand this one so scroll down a bit.
NOW do you understand?