Lazy Bitch's Oatmeal Cookies
Before I begin I would just like to point out that it has been well over a year since
my last recipe . But Lazy Bitch is as Lazy Bitch does, which isn't much.
1 cup butter, softened (I‘m not in a softening mood. There’s a bottle of olive oil right next to my elbow, I’ll chuck some of that in.)
1 cup white sugar (which cup? Sod it a mound is more my style.)
1 cup packed brown sugar (oops! not got any. Oh well treacle’s brown… just thank your lucky stars that’s the first thing that came to mind.)
2 eggs ( ok )
1 teaspoon vanilla extract ( extract this)
2 cups all-purpose flour ( damn cups again! So, a bigger mound)
1 teaspoon baking soda ( yup, use by 2007! Surely this doesn’t go off, does it?)
1 teaspoon salt (that’s a small mound in the middle of my hand)
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon (Oh my God! well too late now, so how much fell out of the jar?)
3 cups quick cooking oats (The kids are going to eat this Alpen if it’s the last thing they do!)
raisins or nuts - optional. (That’s handy I wasn’t planning to pick them out of the cereal )
Right now it’s all in the bowl let’s mix it up.
1. In a medium bowl, cream together white sugar, butter, and brown sugar. Beat in eggs one at a time, and then stir in vanilla.
2. Combine flour, cinnamon, baking soda and salt. Stir into the creamed mixture. Mix in oats. If you are using nuts or raisins, mix into dough, combining well .
(OOPS!! Too late now, what’s done is done… I wonder if it’s supposed to look like a giant chicken’s bowel movement.)
Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour. (How am I going to fit it in the fridge? Let’s check some sell by dates…. Ham 4th Jan…that can go. Ouch! Was that a brick that just fell on my head? No, it was forgotten bread rolls… a bit beyond toasting, Breadcrumbs? Sod it. This margarine tub’s nearly empty; I can grease the baking tray with what’s left. There, now I can fit the cookie gloop in the fridge).
3. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F, Grease cookie sheets. Roll the dough into balls, and place 2 inches apart on cookie sheets. ( BALLS! Aren’t cookies like biscuits? Shouldn’t they be flat? And what’s this two inch shit?)
4. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
( 10 mins isn’t long enough, my finger went right through that one)
Makes approx. 36-60 cookies, depending on how large or small you make them.
( 20 if you follow my recipe and make balls the size of, well “balls” .which means they won’t all be the same size. )
They taste really good, I’m quite surprised.
Now we just have to wait and see if I‘ve poisoned anyone).