Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Recipe of the day.

Lazy Bitches Chicken Nuggets.

First send your mother in law to buy some chicken breasts.
(this saves money as well as energy.)

Cut the chicken up over a bowl, use the kitchen scissors.
(this saves washing the cutting board later.)

Break an egg into the bowl with the chicken. Drop it from
a fair height but don’t overdo it.
(the yolk will break when it falls if you hold it up high enough
but too high and you risk splashing the work surface which
will then need cleaning what is more if you lift your arms too
high you may tire yourself unnecessarily.)

Stick your hand in the bowl and do a bit of squidging about.
(this should coat all the chicken in egg but if you miss a bit
who gives a sh**.)

Drain any excess egg into the sink.
(this may block the drains but your husband or whatever
Can sort this out later, it’s not your problem.)

* If you are single why are you messing about making
chicken nuggets, Haven’t you heard of Mcdonald’s?

Throw some ready made breadcrumbs into the bowl.
If you don’t have any just see what you can find in the
bottom of the bread bin.
(This second option may mean you have to lie about
adding herbs to explain any green bits.)

Mix it all up again, don’t forget to use your hand.
( why dirty kitchen utensils when your hands were
dirty to begin with.)

If you’re feeling energetic you could put some salt ,pepper
And other stuff in there at any point you remember. (If you
can’t be bothered don’t worry about it, I don’t)

Fry and serve. You could leave a cucumber and some carrots
or whatever on the table in case anyone wants to make themselves
some dippers.
(skip the veggies if you have very young children. Dashing to the
hospital when they accidentally chop their fingers off is soooo
exhausting, not to mention packing digits in ice first.)

One final tip only use this recipe if your deep fat fryer needs
cleaning already. (No point dirtying clean pans.)

NB.If you find any typos in this post I probably saw them and couldn't be bothered.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Life without Bitch

Why is it that I can’t find a women’s magazine that is of any interest to me?

There are mags for teens and twenty somethings. Anyone obsessed by clothes and makeup can easily find something to satisfy and there are plenty of publications catering to career women. Then at the other end of the spectrum women of my mother's ilk can find gossip and knitting patterns aplenty with a sprinkling of crosswords and su-do-ku to exercise those grey cells.
But what about me? I can’t be that unusual, can I?

What do I want at 43 with 2 kids 1 husband
and an aching need to stretch myself beyond doing a job
that supplements the family income without interfering with
running the household and organizing everyone else’s
extra curricular activities, to ensure their lives are as fulfilling as possible.

I want pithy and/or amusing articles about this, that and the other. Stuff to make me ponder something more significant than what brand of washing powder to use. I want information about fashion, makeup, music, cinema and current events which is condensed sufficiently to be digested efficiently in the little free time I have for such fripperies. There again a good makeover, house or housewife, is always welcome.

Part of the problem is that you can’t always tell what you are going to find between the covers Of your glossy. On one memorable occasion I recall having bought a magazine which was a popular house and home type publication. I was setting up on my own and thought it may contain some useful and relevant information.

Imagine my surprise therefore to be confronted with an article
entitled, ”Twenty steps to giving your man a great blow job.”
All very useful if you are inexperienced in such matters but
whatever happened to, “Winning ways with chicken.”

Forgive me if I’m wrong but there must be more ways of
cooking a chicken than there are of sucking and licking.
Ruling out of course any handy hints that might apply to both activities.
Honey glazing for instance is a very versatile concept!

The only magazine that I have ever read from cover to cover and enjoyed every word of is BITCH. This is going back over twenty years and unfortunately Bitch didn’t last long due to lack of advertising revenue. How I miss it and when will we ever see its like again?

NB. After writing this post I googled "Bitch Magazine"
just out of curiosity. I discovered an American publication
which appears to be similar to my sadly defunct English favourite.
Needless to say I will be taking a closer look. see links.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Fancy That

I Spent most of this weekend helping to organise a fancy dress party for the school which my children attend. I am the treasurer of the parents' association. This isn't as grand as it sounds it is a very small school.
Today is the first day of APOKRIES which lasts for three weeks and precedes lent. It is the Greek equivelent of the carnival celebrations and apart from street parades on the last day
there are also various theatrical events parties and the like. One town which is famous for its parade is PATRA and many Greeks and foreign tourists travel there to join in the fun. This is one of my favourite times of the year as I love dressing up and dancing, any excuse to make a fool of myself.Hopefully I will have some pictures to add later,if I can work out how it is done.
If you want to read more about Apokries you can visit:-

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Vincent D'Onofrio saved me from oblivion

Well here goes this isn't going to be very interesting as I don't know what I am doing.I sort of lost myself after I got married, neglecting my interests to the point were my life itself seemed pointless, joyless and lots of other lesses. This happened due to a combination of things.
Firstly I had to learn a new language with a different alphabet and for a while this limited my ability to express myself so I became accustomed to taking a backseat. The cultural differences between England and Greece also caused some problems.
Many women here have no interests outside of home and family. I have been here for thirteen years now, married for eleven and have two daughters aged nine and six.
I don't often watch TV as my husband has a symbiotic relationship with the remote control and I can't stand his channel hopping. However during the summer of 2006 I found myself watching
LOCI on a daily basis as it was shown late so the kids were asleep and my hubby was working a lot of night shifts. I enjoyed the show so much that I decided to watch some other films with Vincent D'Onofrio. My favourites are those which explore aspects of existential angst such as
THE THIRTEENTH FLOOR and IMPOSTER. From this point on I started doing other things that I enjoy listening to music ,reading and drawing (though for some reason I am currently
obsessed with drawing bald ,naked figures, no idea why.
I am also trying to write a book and having a go at poetry which I used to write a lot of when I was younger.
Later I plan to post reviews of films I have seen and my opinions about any subject that is holding my interest.I hope anyone reading my stuff will find it worth commenting on.
so in at the deep end. here is one of my poems...


So you’ve traded in your typewriter,
For a microchip computer perhaps
To improve efficiency

And the soaring spirit of creativity
Is now encased in collar and tie,
With sensible shoes

But poetry is not so easily defeated
By serious decisions in middle age.
It is the song of the soul,
And the soul is ageless

It does not heed that crippled limbs
Are bent with age and cannot dance.
The tune still brings a twinkle to the eye,
Even death inspires the poet’s hand.