Encouraged by positive feedback I am posting another poem.
Written I hasten to add when I was young free and single.
TRESSPASSER
A MAN WALKED BRIEFLY THROUGH MY LIFE
AND TRESSPASSED ON MY MIND
I CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF PARADISE
BEFORE HE TRAVELLED ON
ALTHOUGH HE DID NOT STAY FOR LONG
HIS FOOTPRINT ON MY MEMORY
BURNS ME LIKE AN IRONBRAND
THE TRESSPASSER IS GONE
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Thursday, March 1, 2007
WHATDOYOUCALLIT
WARNING
NOT TO BE READ BY PRUDES OR MINORS
(That's minors not miners)
Things are getting way too serious around here.
Time for some light hearted relief methinks.
I am trying to write a story which necessitates
some detailed descriptions of nooky.
Well you can see right there what problems I am
facing, I can’t find enough genteel euphemisms to
describe either the act itself or the body parts it
involves without sounding like Barbara Cartland.
How to be sufficiently graphic without being crude
is a real poser.
The second problem is that I seem to have an
incurable case of inappropriate alliteration.
This results in some very strange collocations which
I am convinced are unusable. For instance having
enlisted the help of a thesaurus to find appropriate
synonyms I found myself coming up with things like
Tumescent protuberance, I ask you is that any way
to describe an erect penis: It sounds more like a
disease.
I have therefore decided to throw myself on your mercy
and ask for some help in this delicate enterprise. So, I
already have …
erect, swollen, engorged throbbing
To be combined with…
Penis, manhood, member…
Any ideas people.?
NOT TO BE READ BY PRUDES OR MINORS
(That's minors not miners)
Things are getting way too serious around here.
Time for some light hearted relief methinks.
I am trying to write a story which necessitates
some detailed descriptions of nooky.
Well you can see right there what problems I am
facing, I can’t find enough genteel euphemisms to
describe either the act itself or the body parts it
involves without sounding like Barbara Cartland.
How to be sufficiently graphic without being crude
is a real poser.
The second problem is that I seem to have an
incurable case of inappropriate alliteration.
This results in some very strange collocations which
I am convinced are unusable. For instance having
enlisted the help of a thesaurus to find appropriate
synonyms I found myself coming up with things like
Tumescent protuberance, I ask you is that any way
to describe an erect penis: It sounds more like a
disease.
I have therefore decided to throw myself on your mercy
and ask for some help in this delicate enterprise. So, I
already have …
erect, swollen, engorged throbbing
To be combined with…
Penis, manhood, member…
Any ideas people.?
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
I Confess to Consumerism
It would appear that our consumer society has spread its poisonous tentacles of dissatisfaction into every nook and cranny of our existence. The idea being that the acquisition of material possessions will somehow lead to us being more content with our lives. Nothing could be further from the truth.We are like drug addicts who after a “fix” experience a momentary “high” which is replaced, all too soon, by the insatiable craving for the next good time to come along and make us happy.
Anyone who has spent any time near an addict will know that the environment in which they live quickly becomes a disaster area, as they strip their home of anything and everything of any value in order to feed their addiction; At which point they widen the area of destruction to include their neighbours, targeting the most vulnerable first.
This attitude of entitlement to instant gratification is also glaringly apparent in our interpersonal relationships. Networking, or to put it another way making friends with people depending on how useful they will be to us, as opposed to how pleasant we find their company or what interests we share with them, is a prime example. Not to mention modern attitudes to marriage where divorce decrees are more plentiful than confetti. We all seem to have bought into the myth that marriage should be a bed of roses, instead of a means of providing a stable environment in which to raise the next generation of normal well adjusted human beings.
People, we are in serious need of rehabilitation and, like any kind of addict, the healing cannot begin until we admit to the problem.
My name is Cathy and I am a consumer.
Anyone who has spent any time near an addict will know that the environment in which they live quickly becomes a disaster area, as they strip their home of anything and everything of any value in order to feed their addiction; At which point they widen the area of destruction to include their neighbours, targeting the most vulnerable first.
This attitude of entitlement to instant gratification is also glaringly apparent in our interpersonal relationships. Networking, or to put it another way making friends with people depending on how useful they will be to us, as opposed to how pleasant we find their company or what interests we share with them, is a prime example. Not to mention modern attitudes to marriage where divorce decrees are more plentiful than confetti. We all seem to have bought into the myth that marriage should be a bed of roses, instead of a means of providing a stable environment in which to raise the next generation of normal well adjusted human beings.
People, we are in serious need of rehabilitation and, like any kind of addict, the healing cannot begin until we admit to the problem.
My name is Cathy and I am a consumer.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Answers to quiz questions...
My brother sent me this in an email.
It made me laugh 'til I cried.
It's hard to believe people like this exist
Some of them are determined not to be helped.
They must have been born & raised in a deep
mineshaft and only brought out for these shows!
FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use?
- A Sword
2) A song with the word Moon in the title?
- Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the capital of France?
- F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck?
- Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch?
- A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal?
- Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler's first name?
- Heil
8) A famous Scotsman?
- Jock
9) Some famous brothers?
- Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race?
- The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath?
- Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers?
- A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach?
- A deckchair
14) A famous Royal?
- Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine?
- A bicycle with wings
16) A famous bridge?
- The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does?
- Goes to the toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom?
- Decorate
19) A method of securing your home?
- Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs?
- The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac?
- April
22) Something people might be allergic to?
- Skiing
23) Something you do before you go to bed?
- Sleep
24) Something you put on walls?
- A roof
25) Something slippery?
- A conman
26) A kind of ache?
- A fillet of fish
27) A jacket potato topping?
- Jam
28) A food that can be brown or white?
- A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies?
- Bananas
30) Something red?
- My sweater
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.
Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!
Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels,
travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament.
The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader,
whose name begins with G, revered by millions,
who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!
NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright
commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country,
so in case you didn't hear that,
I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?
RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.
Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.
Wright: What is the capital of Australia?
And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.
THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera.
True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia.
But it is an American TV show, so I'll give you that.
BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four
BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?
DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
It made me laugh 'til I cried.
It's hard to believe people like this exist
Some of them are determined not to be helped.
They must have been born & raised in a deep
mineshaft and only brought out for these shows!
FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use?
- A Sword
2) A song with the word Moon in the title?
- Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the capital of France?
- F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck?
- Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch?
- A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal?
- Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler's first name?
- Heil
8) A famous Scotsman?
- Jock
9) Some famous brothers?
- Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race?
- The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath?
- Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers?
- A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach?
- A deckchair
14) A famous Royal?
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine?
- A bicycle with wings
16) A famous bridge?
- The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does?
- Goes to the toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom?
- Decorate
19) A method of securing your home?
- Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs?
- The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac?
- April
22) Something people might be allergic to?
- Skiing
23) Something you do before you go to bed?
- Sleep
24) Something you put on walls?
- A roof
25) Something slippery?
- A conman
26) A kind of ache?
- A fillet of fish
27) A jacket potato topping?
- Jam
28) A food that can be brown or white?
- A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies?
- Bananas
30) Something red?
- My sweater
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.
Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!
Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels,
travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament.
The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader,
whose name begins with G, revered by millions,
who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!
NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright
commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country,
so in case you didn't hear that,
I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?
RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.
Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.
Wright: What is the capital of Australia?
And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.
THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera.
True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia.
But it is an American TV show, so I'll give you that.
BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four
BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?
DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
The Wisdom of the Wizened
Sometimes my grandmother talked “a right load of codswallop”
Or so I used to think, but the older I get the more I hear her platitudes with attitude
echoing through my mind now that her real voice has been silenced forever.
”You’re that Sharp you’ll cut yourself, too clever for your own good”
It occurs to me that if I had to use a higher proportion of my mental powers to grapple with the daily dilemmas presented by the struggle for survival I would have less time for introspection and dissatisfactionm “bein’ maudlin” as my gran would have said.
So maybe “ignorance is bliss” and we would all be better off sitting in the trees exchanging cheesy grins and chattering with the chimpanzees.
Now what would be the modern high tech equivalent of this happy state of affairs…?
OK PEOPLE LET’S BLOG. Anyone want a banana?
Or so I used to think, but the older I get the more I hear her platitudes with attitude
echoing through my mind now that her real voice has been silenced forever.
”You’re that Sharp you’ll cut yourself, too clever for your own good”
It occurs to me that if I had to use a higher proportion of my mental powers to grapple with the daily dilemmas presented by the struggle for survival I would have less time for introspection and dissatisfactionm “bein’ maudlin” as my gran would have said.
So maybe “ignorance is bliss” and we would all be better off sitting in the trees exchanging cheesy grins and chattering with the chimpanzees.
Now what would be the modern high tech equivalent of this happy state of affairs…?
OK PEOPLE LET’S BLOG. Anyone want a banana?
Friday, February 23, 2007
The Abyss of Despair
I feel a numbing purple fog permeate my heavy heart
Its creeping tendrils fill my mind with melancholy mauve
Dark red irrationality amplifies my fears
Begetting a cacophony
Of harsh discordant tears
And then a scarlet stranglehold grips me around the throat
I choke out an unwilling bark
Depression’s bleak foghorn
The storm breaks
The pain recedes
Leaving its driftwood of broken dreams
I gaze upon this sad debris
And ponder life’s futility
Its creeping tendrils fill my mind with melancholy mauve
Dark red irrationality amplifies my fears
Begetting a cacophony
Of harsh discordant tears
And then a scarlet stranglehold grips me around the throat
I choke out an unwilling bark
Depression’s bleak foghorn
The storm breaks
The pain recedes
Leaving its driftwood of broken dreams
I gaze upon this sad debris
And ponder life’s futility
Thursday, February 22, 2007
LOST SMILES
YOU DIDN’T CATCH MY SMILE
AND IT FELL
INTO THE ABYSS
WHICH IS THE FATE
OF ALL LOST SMILES
THERE TO LANGUISH
UNTIL RELEASED AS KISSES
INNOCENT KISSES
LIFTING HEARTS FROM DESPAIR
ON WINGS OF HOPE
CHILDREN’S KISSES
ON THEIR MOTHER’S TEARSTAINED CHEEKS
AND IT FELL
INTO THE ABYSS
WHICH IS THE FATE
OF ALL LOST SMILES
THERE TO LANGUISH
UNTIL RELEASED AS KISSES
INNOCENT KISSES
LIFTING HEARTS FROM DESPAIR
ON WINGS OF HOPE
CHILDREN’S KISSES
ON THEIR MOTHER’S TEARSTAINED CHEEKS
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
