Mrs. Magoo in Mexico>

So,what do I write about to avoid being boring about the current non events in my housewifely life? Yep it’s another post about the past. Today we will be reminiscing about Cozumel, a visit to ”Carlos and Charlie’s Sloppy Bar” to be precise.
On the day in question I was in the company of a large group of friends and colleagues from the ship and we had gone to the Sloppy Bar for a few beers and a spot of incidental lunch. At some point in the proceedings I found it necessary to perform the ritual “breaking the seal” which is the bane of all beer drinkers. I set off on the long and tedious trek to the bathroom taking a last swig of my drink to keep me from becoming dehydrated on the way and promising my jolly pink faced friends that I would return as speedily as possible.
Ablutions duly completed I returned to the bar to resume the serious business of synchronized supping. Unfortunately the room had suffered some sort of tardis effect and now appeared much bigger than it had been only moments earlier. I scanned the room looking for someone either vaguely familiar or without a moustache and was gratified to spot a blonde mop of hair protruding from behind a monster pot of guacamole. Fixing my eyes on this Arian landmark I set out across the room like a blinkered donkey chasing a proverbial carrot. My friends soon became much easier to spot as they all jumped up and started waving and pointing in my direction. Needless to say my inebriated heart swelled with affection at this touching display of
friendly concern and I redoubled my efforts to rejoin them at speed. By the time I got to the table they were all shouting at once though not in jocular encouragement so much as stunned disbelief.
This is what happened; during my absence a fight had broken out between two local miscreants and they had both drawn knives and started waving and jabbing them at each other presumably as a prelude to a bit of nasty stabby stuff. It was at this point that Mrs. Magoo (me) made her appearance and eyes fixed on aforementioned blonde buddy walked completely oblivious right between the two blades. At which point the astounded Knife wielders lowered their weapons in astonishment affording the bar’s bouncers an opportunity to grab them and hustle them outside and out of sight. I cannot therefore say with any authority what they did next but I would like to think that they wandered away discussing the incident in amazement and becoming firm friends on the strength of it. After all who would believe a story like that unless it was backed up by a witness?

INNER PEACE

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me.By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace........the article read:"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."

So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished....and before coming to work this morning I have finished off a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of white wine, a bottle of Vodka, my Prozac, some valium, a small box of chocolates and 2 litres of Fosters Lager, a 1/2 can of cider, a large reefer and some cheese. You have no idea how freaking good I feel....

_________________________________________________

My big sister sent me this. I have always valued her advice so I thought it would be a good idea to share it with you.

55 Flash Fiction - The Party Surprise

A Mother must make sacrifices for her children.

So another Saturday afternoon is swallowed whole

by a birthday party for short noisy people.

Greetings made coats deposited in the ubiquitous heap

on the bed. I am offered a drink (will it be coffee or

orange juice).” Whisky and coke! That will do

nicely,” I smile.

LOST LAMBS

TERROR

Terror has a taste.
It tastes like toothache.
Accompanied by the petrification of internal organs.
My boulder lungs cannot draw breath
The pebbles in my throat make speech impossible.
My heart, a granite slab
Stops beating
My brain shatters
A million pieces of gravel
Incapable of coherent thought.
__________________________

Returning from work this evening I was greeted by
my mother in law. She was standing in the street with
tears rolling down her cheeks. My youngest daughter
Maria was missing along with her grandfather. He was
supposed to have taken her to a ballet lesson but never
arrived. When my husband went to pick her up an hour
later the drama started. My husband were already scouring
the neighborhood twenty minutes later when I arrived home.
I started making phone calls. First the ambulance service, no
accidents had been reported in our area, local police via a
friend who is a policeman. Then I went to the nearby bus
station as my daughter is fond of buses. I thought if they had
taken a ride someone may remember seeing them. On my way
home I passed the church it didn’t occur to me to go inside
but I dropped some coins into a beggar’s hand as I passed.
Looking up I saw my mother in law coming towards me and I
Felt as if my whole body was being squeezed in a diabolical vice.

What news?

Maria and Granddad are home safe and sound

Apparently he suffered a dizzy spell which left him feeling

disorientated and got lost. After wandering around trying

to get his bearings for a whilehe got in a taxi and brought

Maria home.

We will be taking granddad to the doctor’s for a checkup

but I’m afraidit may be time for him to sit back and be

looked after rather than doing the looking after, as he likes to.

I pray that he will come to this conclusion himself so that I don’t

have to force it on him, being able todetermine your own actions

is so important to human dignity

A SHORT UNSTEADY STAGGER DOWN MEMORY LANE

A long time ago in a place far, far away there was a cruise ship.
THE FAIRSTAR. Fairstar the Fun ship to be precise. Unlike
other ships of this type the Fairstar was not full of wrinkly folk
who thought that eating a bowl of soup without dropping the
spoon was a major achievement. On the contrary, it was full of
lovely lasses and young fella me lads looking for a good time.
Just to make this tale even more enthralling the aforementioned
merrymakers also happened to be Australian!!!

___________

Erm.. this is a pic of the casino staff.I threw a little party

which got so big that we had to take the bathroom doors

off and invade the next cabin.Going to the loo was a bit

embarrassing though.The beers were in the shower.

These folks made America’s spring break look like a kindergarten
picnic at nap time. I swear to (insert deity of your choice) that I
met women on that ship who could trip a man up from behind and
lie down underneath him before he fell, FAIR DINKUM!

_______________

We spread the fun around, never before have

gamblers enjoyed losing their money so much.

This is where I learned the art of SKULLING BEER,

if I remember the term correctly.

This involved piercing the bottom of an unopened can of beer

with a penknife, or a biro if you were a WUZZY,

and then placing your mouth over the hole as you pulled the tab.

The beer then spurts forth at such a rate that you end up drinking

( or wearing) the entire contents of the can in 5 seconds flat.

Which is a mercy

when you consider what Australian beer tastes like.

What's the point you may well be asking so without further ado...

THIS IS THE CRAZIEST CASINO YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!

and I have the pictures to prove it

____________________

Here I am dealing blackjack.The guy with the guitar is

one of my co workers, he is on a break and the people

who I am dealing to are singing along.

The song?

MEATLOAF. Paradise by the Dashboard Light.

_________________

Guess whose birthday it was:)

Your right, MINE!

I started celebrating early and by the time the casino

opened it seemed like a good idea to go to work in a

grass skirt. Don't ask me about the hat though, I didn't

know anything about it until I saw this picture.

These two passengers brought me a bottle of champagne

and helped me drink it.

Then the manager sent me to bed early.

Thankyou Pete and Chuggy.

BLOGS I LIKE EXPLAINED

I thought it might be a good idea to explain why I chose these
blogs. The reasons are many and varied, just as my tastes are.

A Heart's Chronicle This is the journal of a 17 year old boy
I was struck by the honesty of his personal struggle to make
sense of his everyday life.

Accidentally Vincent This and other blogs created by fans of
the actor VINCENT D’ONOFRIO are just my little indulgences.
He is my favourite actor

Late Fragments The author of this blog is a lover of smiles and
random kindness. I’m all for both.

London-Love Another VDO fan, A FANATIC EVEN :)

Mag's Ham Bun This quirky homemaker who loves knitting has
a way of writing that makes subjects I would usually find boring
kind of fun. It’s how she writes rather than what she writes.

Malnurtured Snay What can I say random happenings,
thoughts and opinions humorously presented. I love it.

Peace, love and happiness Great pics, cute quotes. I like it.

Saintnicksbytes Another journal this time an older guy
struggling, surviving, faltering, recovering.
Religious but not proletizing. A reminder of the importance
of friendship and acceptance.

Sarah's Art Blog It’s ART stupid!

Squirls Nest Some nice photos, some aimless rambling. Very bloggy.

The Hijacked Blog LOL. I just love this whole blog;
it’s funny, quirky, interesting…It’s fucking lovely!

The velocity of Vincent This is an amazing find for any VDO fan.

Trip to Somewhere Pics of OZ and china, a journal of a journey
and, for me, a trip down memory lane.

So there it is folks. Whatever it is.
If anyone reading my blog wants to join my list just shout out
and leave me a link so I can visit you.

GREAT QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES

Inside every older lady is a younger lady… wondering what the hell happened.-

Cora Harvey Armstrong-

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.
But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

-Janette Barber-

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

-Lily Tomlin-

A male gynaecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car

.-Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

-Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favourite household chore is ironing.
My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint

.-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

-Bette Davis-

A Man’s got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

-Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother"is redundant

-Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality,
it comes in through the windows.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do

they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.
Luckily, this is not difficult.

-Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together

and your body starts falling apart.

-Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time -

- but sometimes several days attack me at once.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example -

- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

-Catherine-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes

because I know I'm not dumb

and I'm also not blonde.

-Dolly Parton-

If high heels were so wonderful,

men would still be wearing them

.-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

-Roseanne Barr-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.

Men invade another country..

-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man.

If you want anything done, ask a woman.

-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on

how to combine marriage and a career.

-Gloria Steinem-

I am a marvellous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.

-Zsa Gabor-

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

!