Thursday, March 1, 2007

WHATDOYOUCALLIT

WARNING
NOT TO BE READ BY PRUDES OR MINORS
(That's minors not miners)



Things are getting way too serious around here.
Time for some light hearted relief methinks.
I am trying to write a story which necessitates
some detailed descriptions of nooky.
Well you can see right there what problems I am
facing, I can’t find enough genteel euphemisms to
describe either the act itself or the body parts it
involves without sounding like Barbara Cartland.
How to be sufficiently graphic without being crude
is a real poser.

The second problem is that I seem to have an
incurable case of inappropriate alliteration.
This results in some very strange collocations which
I am convinced are unusable. For instance having
enlisted the help of a thesaurus to find appropriate
synonyms I found myself coming up with things like
Tumescent protuberance, I ask you is that any way
to describe an erect penis: It sounds more like a
disease.

I have therefore decided to throw myself on your mercy
and ask for some help in this delicate enterprise. So, I
already have …

erect, swollen, engorged throbbing

To be combined with…

Penis, manhood, member…

Any ideas people.?

8 comments:

Stephanie Secrest said...

Oh my God! I am *so* totally going through the same thing right now. I have to write a love scene between my heroine and anti-hero for a mentor program I'm in, and I think I've drunk more alcohol than actually *write* anything.

Wish I could help you, but the only thing I'm coming up with is *everything* being cliche. I mean, seriously. When I did the rough draft of this scene Sunday and Monday nights... the stuff that came out sounded like stuff I've read before. I'm wondering if I'm just not creative enough to do this, or if everyone writes cliche when it comes to writing love scenes.

Claire said...

That's why I'm not a writer.
Sadly, I only know its good when I see it.
Most of michaels' suggestions sound like they came from bad porn.

cathy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cathy said...

Gee, had to remove my own comment as I made a spelling mistake. Now that is embarassing

Mr. φ said...

Hey, thanks for taking interest in my writing. I never ment for the stuff I wrote to be for other people, so I never commented or took notice of other blogs, still I thank you for linking me and giving me helpful advices. Keep being creative, you're good at it. Why won't your husband greet you on your 45th birthday? By the way, my mom has hers 45th in just 2 weeks, what a coincidence.

cathy said...

sorry about that moderation stuff I did it by accident whilst experimenting.

Chrlane said...

Man. That's quite a predickament you're in there. :)

Michael said...

claire...and just what, exactly, is wrong with bad pron?